‘Roid Rage

13 Sep

 

We all hear about it in the news when it comes to misbehaving sports stars.  Well, it’s not just a made-up defense – it’s real, y’all.  It is a darn good thing that cancer made me too weak and ill to actually hurt someone, because if I had been able-bodied, I would probably have been jailed. I was so tempted to grab the old Swiss bastard who deliberately ran me into a wall and crack his skull open against said wall.

That was not the first time I had seriously contemplated hurting someone.  I was also tempted to go after the African kid who cut in front of a little old lady in the checkout line at the local Migros grocery store.  I felt like grabbing the soda he wanted to buy and throwing it across the store, yelling “Go fetch!”

It’s quite scary, actually, having thoughts like that. The problem is that cancer patients often have to stay on steroids — in fact, they tried taking my dosage down by a milligram, but that was too much of a reduction and I had debilitating headaches because the swelling around the tumors in my brain was crushing my brain against my skull. So we had to boost up the steroids until the extra fluid drained off, then bring them down to their previous level.

I needed a fenced-in yard with a sign reading “Beware of cancer patient”.

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