The Ugly

12 Jan

Let’s face it – chemo can do some pretty nasty stuff to your digestive system and bowels.  It’s not something we like to talk about in public, even though it inevitably comes up at every doctor’s appointment.  Admitting that you stink and sometimes have accidents isn’t fun!

After you’ve achieved some distance, though, the stories become funny.  Take, for example, the following:

Pooping your pants in public is never fun, even if it’s in the doctor’s office where those around you might be slightly more sympathetic to your plight than the general public.  Still, you don’t want to tell anyone about it – unless you can use it to your advantage.  Like telling your stepdad about it when he asks you to run a few errands upon your arrival home.  There are some things he just doesn’t want to know, so not only will he not ask you to run the errand, he won’t tell you what it was in the first place.

Pooping your pants in the security line at the airport is even worse. TSA screeners move at a snail’s pace anyway, and when you’ve got dirty pants the line feels that much longer.  After making it through the X-ray at SEA-TAC, I had to hop around on one foot and then the other in an attempt to put my athletic shoes back on without sitting down before my trip to the restroom – there’s no way I will go into a public restroom in socks.  Thankfully, as a pure coincidence, I had a spare plastic bag in my purse and was able to use it to store the dirty underwear.  Then I washed up, put my pants back on, and flew commando from Seattle to San Antonio.

Accidents like that start to make you wonder whether or not it’s time for you to wear Depends when you go out in public.

Another stinky thing that chemo makes you do is fart. A lot.  Which can drive away everyone in the room, including the dogs.

Or, at least, one of them.  He never failed to run away.  All the other dog would do, though, was wag her tail.

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